When you say yes to others, make sure you aren’t saying no to yourself.
Do you have a high need to please others?
Is your need to please others getting in the way of your own personal happiness?
Is helping others leaving you depleted of energy?
Are you haunted by the fear that someone might not like you?
Do you say yes to social activities that you don't want to go to?
Are you often saying "sorry" for small things?
Do you get overly anxious if you think others are mad at you?
Do you break your values for others, only to experience regret and shame afterwards?
Do you feel responsible for others emotions?
Do you find it incredibly stressful to say "no"?
Does any of this relate to you? It might be an indication that you are engaging in what is referred to as "People-Pleasing" behaviour, over and above your own inner needs and desires.
A "people-pleaser" is someone who tries incredibly hard to make others happy. They will go out of their way to please others, even if it means giving up their own valuable resources and time. They often engage in this behaviour due to underlying insecurities and a lack of self-esteem.
If you've been engaging in this behaviour and are feeling worn out, there is hope to make changes so that you can start saying "yes" to yourself more often:
👉Practice the delayed response - "Can I get back to you?" so that you're not automatically saying "yes" to things that you really want to say "no" to when you have a chance to reflect
👉Get clear on your own personal values and goals so that you are very mindful about what you will say "yes" to and "no" to before family and friends even make a request of you
👉Start to practice pausing before you automatically apologise so that you can ask yourself, "is there really any need for me to say this right now?"
👉Make a pledge to yourself to start practicing INTERNAL validation - this means you will need to address your critical self-talk with more helpful and compassionate words to yourself to help increase self-esteem.
👉Start to reflect on the fact that you cannot please everyone at the end of the day. Think about putting energy into pleasing the right people, rather than trying to be everything to everyone.
